Faster Unto Thee

Book Review - Seeking to Divorce-Proof Your Marriage

Dr. Rick Walston of Columbia Evangelical Seminary has written another helpful book entitled, Seeking to Divorce-Proof Your Marriage. Published by LULU, this intentionally brief book is aimed for the everyman – especially everymen that are not big readers.

At only 80 pages long, the book provides a primer for men on building a successful marriage on a foundation of biblical truth, listening, commitment, and more. The book is divided into 9 chapters, is full of helpful and often humorous illustrations, and is intentionally a quick read. To make it a quick read, the ideas are presented in a simple and clear style, though the content is never simplistic.

A portion of the book focuses on the answers given to a survey question Walston posted to women: "What are the Top 5 Things a Husband Should Know or Do to Help Divorce-Proof His Marriage?" The answers he got back from women sounded as if they had answered the question, "How Can a Man be a Better Husband?" This alone illustrates the difference in thinking between men and women, something which Walston expounds upon in his book.

The book is perfectly suitable for a Sunday School text, a small group resource, and for use in pre-marital counseling. For some men, the book's content will be a real eye-opener, but for others who are read up on other marriage books it may not offer many new insights, although it may state those insights in a fresh well. Beyond these uses, pastors will want a copy of the book simply for the excellent illustrations that can be borrowed for sermons and to have a copy on hand to loan to a clueless man who desperately needs insight into strengthening his marriage.

Taking Flak for Christian Schooling

Our plan for the last 5 years was to homeschool our daughter, but due to circumstances beyond our control, we have had to abandon that plan. Abandoning the plan has been painful to say the least. We had met many homeschooling families and overall were deeply impressed with the academic progress, social well-being, and spiritual foundation these children had in comparison to the average child from a Christian home who was in public school.

In place of homeschooling we have chosen to send our daughter to a Christian school. Our decision came after much prayer and researching the schooling options available to us. Now after her first week at school we must say thanks to God, for He seems to have led us to a good school and our daughter loves it and seems to have done well so far. While entrusting her to others for hours a day has been difficult and not without a great deal of second-guessing, we do feel that we are in God's will.

Much to our surprise, some Christians have not affirmed our decision. In particular, we have had several Christian people (yes, Christians!) respond to our choice with skepticism and even subtle hostility. From several of these folks I get the impression that they feel judged somehow, thinking that our choice on where to send our daughter to school is somehow a commentary on what they chose for their child or children. For those people, I want to say that our choice has nothing to do with you, but with us and a commitment to seek God's will on this matter. Others quietly ripple with this odd hostility to anything but public school, as though we are subversive to the government. And this is a government that they constantly criticize! To those I want to say that my first loyalty is to God and His Word. Needless to say, it has been a weird week. 

So why have we chosen a Christian school instead of sending our child to public school? Here is my thinking so far.

1. God's will. The goal of life is to bring glory to Him, and one way of doing that is to bring all areas of life under God's direction. That includes the schooling for our children. It seems ridiculous to me to simply default to public school when other options are available. Too many families never seriously consider sending their children to a Christian school or homeschooling them. They simply default to public school. After wrestling with the choice in prayer over a significant period of time, my wife and I felt that it was God's will that we send our daughter to a Christian school.

2.Influence. The Bible makes it clear that training in light of God's Word as a child is crucial to their faithfulness to God as an adult: "Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old, he shall not depart from it" (Proverbs 22:6). Contrast a public school and a Christian school in your mind. In a public school, some teachers are Christians but are not allowed to speak openly of their faith nor are they allowed to express an overtly biblical viewpoint in their teaching, nor are they allowed to pray with their students, directly promote a right relationship between God and their students, etc. Beyond these restraints on the Christian teachers, there are the non-Christian teachers who are hostile to the Christian faith, bristling with secularism and liberal ideas, and more, and have a clear agenda of shaping your child with their worldview. In contrast, in a Christian school, all the teachers must profess the Christian faith, must incorporate biblical thinking into all the subjects taught, and typically teach in a Christian school (usually for far less money than they would make as public school teachers) out of sense of mission for God. Their deep concern is the formation of children for the glory of God. This father wants his child to be influenced by such people, especially in her formative years.

I am unaware of any Scripture which teaches that influence from non-Christians is a good thing or that being among them will help a child "toughen up." In fact, it teaches the opposite. As Wayne Grudem says in his 1984 essay, Biblical Reasons for Sending Children to A Christian School,

I know of no verse of Scripture that tells me that secular training will “strengthen” Christian children. It may callous them so they view sin as more “normal.” It may harden them so they care more about the things of the world and less about God. It may desensitize them so they are more comfortable living in the midst of repeated sin against their Lord. But it will not strengthen them as Christian men and women: “Train up a child in the way he should go” (Prov. 22:6).

3. Boundaries. Involvement in public school can become all-encompassing to the detriment of the family and church involvement, two things the Scriptures hold in high esteem. Sports, band, and other extra-curricular activities through public schools are simply out of control in terms of time commitment and the importance they are given. Sports practice and games have moved into Sunday mornings and can fill every week night, keeping children away from their families and from steady church involvement. In too many schools, students must choose between sports and church - they simply cannot have both - and parents too frequently value their children being good athletes over being disciples of Jesus. Certainly, parents whose children attend public school can set healthy boundaries for their children, but I would rather not have my child in a school that I have an adversarial relationship with. In a solid Christian schools, family and church life are still held in high esteem, and appropriate boundaries are put in place to keep school activities from undermining a healthy family and church life.

These are my thoughts so far. I could go on with more, but that is enough for today. What do you think? Click on "comments" below and share your thoughts.

Deliberately Shaping our Children

My family and I spent last week at our conference's annual Family Camp. The week always has its spiritual highlights and fun, and this year was no exception. The sermons from Phil Jerome and the seminar by Dr. Jay Wile were great, and the recreation and fellowship was refreshing.

            With that great review in mind, you might be surprised to hear me say that every year as Family Camp comes around I always think, "Is it worth it?" You see, getting ready for camp takes time, money, a lot of work, and disrupts our family's schedule. It is by no means convenient or easy to go. And our cabin at the campground...is it really worth owning and maintaining it since we only use it 1-3 weeks out of a whole year? And while camp is fun, it is not really a vacation, even though some people use some of their vacation time to attend. We work at camp! There is always the temptation to skip events like Family Camp for the easier life at home.

            But every year at Family Camp, after just one day, I always say to myself, "Yes, it is worth it." Why? It is worth it because my daughter is having positive spiritual experiences that have the potential to shape her for life. By bringing her to camp and putting her in the classes, bringing her to worship services and more, she encounters the Lord in ways that she would not if we stayed home. There is something special about Christian camping done well. Research statistics continue to demonstrate that Christian camp experiences have a profound, positive effect on children, often resulting in deep commitments to Christ.

            If there is one thing I want for my daughter it is for her to become a strong disciple of Jesus. Anything short of that will be a failure. Part of our strategy to foster that is to place her in environments where the Lord can work in her heart in deep ways. Camp is part of that strategy.

            Our vision as a church is to build distinctively Christian families. To see that happen, we must be deliberate in shaping our children's spiritual lives. What are you doing to deliberately shape your children or grandchildren for the Lord? Do you talk with them directly about the Lord, read the Bible and pray with them, keep them steady in church, and do things like send them to camp? Spiritual formation does not happen by accident. Read again Deuteronomy 6:4-9 and rethink what you need to do and start today.

Boys to Men

Dr. Vern Poythress of Westminster Theological Seminary, a man who is both a mathematician and a  biblical scholar, has much of his work posted on a joint site with Dr. John Frame.  Today I stumbled across an interesting piece he wrote called, "How I Have Helped My Boys to Become Christian Men."

In this article, Poythress discusses a problem in western culture, namely our culture's lack of a means or a rite that signifies their transition from boyhood to manhood.  Borrowing from the Jewish tradition of Bar Mitzvah (Son of the Law), he created a coming of age ritual he calles "Bar Jesus" (Son of Jesus).  Just like a Jewish boy must meet certain educational and character requirements before qualifying for the Bar Mitzvah, so Poythress' sons had to meet certain criteria as well.  Knowledge of the Bible, understanding of doctrine, langauge study in both Greek and Hebrew, and more were required.  If all the criteria are met around age 13, then the Bar Jesus ceremony is given in the presence of many guests.  At that point, the boy, now acknowledged to be a man, yet still under the authority of his parents, gains greater freedom and responsibility under their watchful care.

This is a fascinating idea and has great implications for Christian parents who wish to raise their children in contrast with the world. In particular, I can see homeschooling families make great use of such a rite.  What attracts me the most to this idea is how intentional and deliberate Poythress is in trying to shape his boys into Christian men.  To be thoroughly Christian there must be significant knowledge of the Bible, theology, and more for without that a person will not think like a Christian and therefore will not behave like a Christian should. Poythress' plan seems to hit all the main areas that would shape a boy's mind and heart.

What do you think?  How could a coming of age ritual help be employed in your child's life?  In our churches?  How might one create a "Bat Jesus" (daughter of Jesus) plan for a daughter?  What would be the differences?

Check out Poythress' article and consider how you might be more deliberate in raising your children to be strong men and women of God.

Abortion and Obama

Justin Taylor has pulled together some excellent posts on Sen. Obama, abortion, and the upcoming election on his blog, Between Two Worlds. 

You should go read them today.

Some excerpts from several different posts:

Robert George and Yuval Levin, in a new article on Obama and Infanticide, argue that Obama's response during the third debate regarding the Illinois Born-Alive Infants Protection Act "followed the pattern of his approach to this subject throughout the campaign: deny the facts and confuse the issue."

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In Southern Seminary’s chapel today, Russell Moore delivered one of the most prophetic pro-life messages I have ever heard ...

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... FOCA [Freedom of Choice Act], if passed, will accomplish two things:

1. it would invalidate all current and future statutes, ordinances, regulations, administrative orders, decisions, policies, or practices--at any level of government--that regulate or restrict abortion in any way;
2. it would mandate taxpayer funds to be used at the state and federal level for abortion services (not to do so would discriminate against the "rights" of abortion set forth in the bill).

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I am utterly baffled how any Christian could support a candidate who so strongly supports the killing of children. 

Rerun: 7 Reasons to Go to Church Even While on Vacation

The post below is from last May, but with a few changes.  It seems so fitting for this time of year as people play their summer vacations. 

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My family and I are on vacation this week with extended family. We are having a wonderful time on the Outer Banks of North Carolina. The scenery is breathtaking, the weather is perfect, and we are all having a wonderful time relaxing together.

My family and I always plan ahead to attend a worship service every Lord’s Day that we are on vacation, whether we are staying at home for vacation, visiting family, or on a “real” vacation like we are now. This practice is not driven by some legalistic notion that I simply ought to be in church on Sunday, but by a real desire to be in the Lord’s presence amidst his people in worship.

Here are my top seven reasons to attend a worship service on the Lord’s Day even when on vacation.

1. To honor God.   This reason stands head and shoulders above the rest and is sufficient in and of itself to compel one to go to church while on vacation. God is worthy of worship at all times and in all places and he commands that we believers gather for public worship, not neglecting the assembling of ourselves. In our day, too many believers hold God in such low esteem that they carry no healthy, biblical “fear of the Lord” in their hearts. And so when they are on vacation, they take a vacation from God as well, as though suddenly their lives during vacation may now be lived without reference to God. May God give us a more Puritan view of the Lord God Almighty who simply must be worshiped without interruption. I have often said to my congregation, “do not take a vacation from God when you are on vacation. And be glad that he never takes two weeks off from you.” Is God such a burden to us that we need a break from him?

2. To keep life ordered around God. The second reason is an issue of discipline. As the hymn writer says, “prone to wander, Lord I feel it, prone to leave the God I love.” The discipline of regular attendance at worship services on the Lord’s Day except for times of sickness or true emergency is a powerful tool in keeping one’s life centered around God. We need a day of the week to plan our busy lives around; we need a fixed day to submit our schedules to lest we begin to center our lives around ourselves. Making the commitment to be in church while on vacation forces the vacationer to plan ahead by looking for a church to attend, organizing the travel schedule around worship, and maybe even shortening time at the beach. In other words, it keeps vacation time from being all about self-indulgence and emotional escape while reminding us that God is always to be the center of our lives.

3. To teach my child. One way children learn the value of something is from a routine established by parents, for we make regular what is important to us. If I say I love God and they should too, but act like God is someone to be vacationed from, I teach them the opposite. My little three year old already is watching what I say and do and keeping a mental journal of how daddy’s actions reveal what is really important to him. She needs to see me leading my family to worship even when it is inconvenient and not do so begrudgingly but with joy and love for a wonderful God. She needs to see me lead her to live against the grain of our self-indulgent culture and against the low standards of many believers. She needs my example to teach her, to haunt her when she is on her own and to prove to her that devotion to God is something that can and must be lived out in practical, routine ways. She needs me to show her that love for God is meaninglessly hollow without practical expression.

Parents, every choice we make tells our children what we think of God.  And every choice we make tells us our children what they should think of God.

4. To witness. It amazes me how people stand up and take notice that we go to church when on vacation. People see you leave the hotel or other accommodations and head out church. They see you go to bed at a decent hour on Saturday night so you can be up on time for worship. They note when you ask where to find a church. And the people you might be staying with are impacted by the fact that even if they don’t go, you do.

5. To experience the joy of meeting other Christians. There is great joy in meeting other Christians in some place other than your home church, in experiencing what God is doing in some area of the world other than your own, in hearing of common struggles, victories and hopes. In world that seems too dark at times, one hour or so spent in someone else’s church reminds me that God’s light is everywhere his people are.

6. To experience a timely word. While I certainly have heard a few dud sermons while on vacation, I have more often heard a timely word from the Lord in a sermon or through some other element of a worship service. It amazes me how readily God speaks to me if I just pay attention! What insights and instruction and direction and affirmation and rebukes I would have missed if I had skipped church while on vacation! What believer does not want to hear from God?

7. To give in to holy desire. Pastor John Piper is famous among believers for writing about  "Christian hedonism."  He makes the point that true, deep happiness is found only in full surrender and service to God. When we are fully enraptured with God happiness is the natural result. As I said at the beginning of this post, I go to church while on vacation because I really want to. My heart wants it. And I figure that giving into a holy desire is rarely a bad thing.

 What do you think? What would you add to this list? Do you wish to take me to task for anything said here? Submit a comment and let’s talk.

Not As Those Without Hope

We biblical preachers are constantly proclaiming that doctrine has practical implications for life.  On Wednesday, I found out personally that what I had preached the Sunday before really worked.

Just this Easter Sunday I was explaining to my congregation the meaning of  Jesus being the "firstfruits of those who have fallen asleep" (1 Corinthians 15:20).  I explained that the resurrection of Jesus was an indicator, a promise, that God did indeed do resurrections and that more were to come.  Just as the very first produce a farmer sees is a promise that the full harvest is right around the corner, so Jesus' resurrection is a promise that all will be raised one day, some to the "resurrection of life" and some to the "resurrection of judgment" (John 5:29).  This means that death as we know it is temporary.  It is still a painful, grief-filled experience for believers, but we do not grieve as those without hope, for there is only a relatively short wait before the resurrection comes.

I then illustrated the point by referring to a beloved saint in our church who died this year.  We had prayed for her healing and yet cancer took her from us.  "But I say to you that her healing is coming," I preached to the congregation.  To further illustrate the point, I explained that I have two grandparents and one beloved great aunt left.  "At their funerals," I said, "when I am sitting in the church pew, I know that I will feel grief, for death is a terrible thing.  But I will also feel joy, because all three are believers in Christ, and that means that they are not lost to me.  For one day, when the trumpet sounds, the dead in Christ will arise first ...." 

After our morning Easter services I came home and saw that there was a message on my answering machine.  It was my mother, letting me know that grandpa had died that morning.  "I just referred to him in my sermon," I thought.  Would what I just preached less than a couple hours ago hold up?

The funeral was Wednesday.  And as I sat and listened to the preacher, viewed the body of grandpa and felt the grief, I did experience what I just proclaimed to my congregation 3 days before: joy.  I knew that death had lost its sting, for death had been defeated with the resurrection of Christ, and that the coming resurrection meant the separation between my grandfather and I was only temporary.  I did not grieve as someone without hope.  By God's grace, the sermon I preached a few days earlier was being proved true in my own experience. 

Praise God that his truth does indeed make all the difference in the world.

Parents as Disciple-Makers

Today I began a new sermon series that unpacks the ideas in our church's vision statement, which centers around developing distinctively Christian families.

The sermon today focused on family discipleship, and in part expounded Deuteronomy 6:4-9, 20-25, and Ephesians 6:4.  The two texts put the burden of responsibility for the spiritual training of children squarely on the shoulders of parents.  In the sermon, I argued that there are two actions parents must take for family discipleship to be successful.  One, that the parents see themselves as disciple-makers, and two, that the parents implement a strategy for discipling their children.

As I wrote out the sermon, I found myself summarizing my own approach to discipling my daughter with these words:

I must live in such a way that my child is persuaded of the relevance and truth of Jesus Christ.
I must teach in such a way that my child learns the Word of God.
I must speak in such a way that my child learns to show respect for God.
I must pray in such a way that my child will see her own desperate need for Christ.
I must exhort in such a way that my child responds to God with repentance and faith.
I must encourage in such a way that my child will serve God without reservation.
All this I must do, with God as my enabler.

   

Bishop Bastian sermons available

For those of you interested, the MP3 files  of Bishop Bastian's sermons duringour Family Life Weekend have now been posted on our church's website. 

For a few of my thoughts regarding these excellent sermons, scroll down two posts and read my thoughts there.

And for Wikipedia fans, I have been correcting and expanding the entry on Bishop Donald N. Bastian. Check it out.

Eulogy for a Great Grandmother

My maternal Grandmother, Erla Van Til, died on December 28.  You can read her obituary here. Pictured above are my daughter Kiran and Grandma Erla just a few months before she died.

A memorial service was held for her on January 2 in Newaygo, Michigan. Below is the eulogy I shared in her honor:

For the eulogy I would like to share a few of my memories with you about my grandmother.

My grandmother knew what little boys liked. When the movie Star Wars came out in the late ‘70’s, my grandmother took me to see it. I was so happy to see this trailblazing movie that I went home and built one of the vehicles from the movie out of cardboard. I was equally happy when she took me to see The Empire Strikes Back and Return of the Jedi years later. She made sure I saw the whole trilogy and enjoyed making me happy with those gifts.

Grandma knew boys needed to learn to do grown-up things, too. So she often saved some of the easy repairs to her dock on Hess Lake for me to do. I  would pull up the broken boards with a hammer and nail the new ones in place after painting them.  It was simple work, but it was good for me to feel useful and she knew that.

Grandma also knew boys liked creepy things. And so a few times, upon my request, she took me aside to show me her “magic teeth.” To a little boy seeing incisors come right out of their gums was really cool. I’m sure I was not the only child to see the magic teeth.

Grandma knew as well how important birthdays are to little boys. One January my mother had scheduled a family birthday party for me but a snowstorm kept everyone away. Everyone, that is, except Grandma Erla and Grandpa Wes. I still feel impressed to this day that they braved the roadways just for me.

Grandma knew boys needed exercise for their health and to get the wiggles out. So we went for walks along Hess Lake, always stopping at the nearby bridge to have a look. We also took many paddleboat rides, peddling nearly halfway around the lake at times, maybe stopping to go swimming or to fish. When I was worried that we would not have the strength to peddle back home, she would always say, “Let’s go a bit farther out, THEN turn around.”

It was important to grandma that I have a sense of family history and an appreciation for the past as well. She made sure I knew a bit about my grandfather who died before I was born, about her parents, and about the Fellows family. We looked at old family pictures and even saw a family member or two in pictures at the Newaygo museum. I remember seeing a high-school graduation picture of grandma and noting the year (1937).  That triggered an earlier memory from the 1920’s and she said, “We really liked Calvin Coolidge.” She paused and then commented, “I guess I’m old.” I thought (but did not say), “Well, anybody who remembers Calvin Coolidge is definitely not young.” It was important to her that I appreciate the past.

Grandma knew the importance of one’s spiritual life, so we always went to church when we visited her over a Sunday and we always prayed before meals and other things. Through her church attendance she also taught me loyalty - she stayed with the Newaygo church through thick and thin for her 87 years of life.

Good grandmothers know how to nurture and how to teach through example. I thankful to the Lord for giving me such a grandmother.

 

 

 

 

Gerald Ford and George Veldman

My Aunt Shirley sent me a note this week regarding the passing of Gerald Ford. She reminded me that Gerald and Betty Ford knew my great-grandparents, George and Mary Veldman, quite well. That prompted me to dig out my box of genealogical materials in which I found a photocopy of a letter Ford wrote to my great-grandfather. You can see a scanned image of that letter below.

George Veldman was mayor of Grand Rapids, MI from 1954-1956, but before that was close friends with the Fords. Then congressman Ford even campaigned for my great-grandfather in his mayoral race. My great-grandmother Mary received a birthday card each year from the Fords and loved to talk about it. And Gerald Ford was a classmate of George's daughter, Helen.

UPDATE: for a great summary of Ford's presidency, see an article by Fred Barnes here.

UPDATE: for a great post from someone who knew Gerald Ford and his minister son personally, see Ben Witherington's blog.   This is really worth a visit.

The Definition of Cute

We had our annual Christmas program at church today.  The program began with children saying a few lines. If you need warm fuzzy  moment, click Download kiran_xmas_part.MOV to see my daughter Kiran say her part.  This clip may take a while to download.

Pictured in their Christmas dresses here are my daughter Kiran to the left and her good friend Jerika Begley on the right.  Feel free to click on "comments" below and gush.